After dating a serial cheater, I did a deep dive into emotional unavailability, my own, and the people I've dated. For those who've read Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller or The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller, then the usual signs of the insecure attachment that can lead to emotional unavailability are pretty well known:
Things like lack of empathy, lack of commitment, an inability to manage emotions, and the belief that the perfect partner or spouse exists who can solve all problems including filling a hole of emotional needs.
But there's something else I've noticed about emotionally unavailable people. They're dopamine hit addicts. One big hit is what I could provide, as a date, texting, time together, or sex. But when I wasn't enough, and as one person, I could never be enough - they were off to look for that attention in other places. These are the five behaviors I've seen the most often which I'd now see as red flags.
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